Notes of Nostalgia

Nostalgia is an odd feeling. I am not quite sure it matches up with what I want to value in life- being present in the moment. But it's a real feeling and a lot of people evoke that emotion when they think back on college. 

Then I feel guilty because I don't conjourn up such feelings. 

Attending my fifth year reunion at Yale reminded me of my lack of nostalgia for that experience. It was fabulous to reconnect with so many great people and experiences at the reunion. But it did not lead to one inkling of nostalgia. I don't long for that time. place. life stage. College was a time when I learned the hard way how to find solutions to tough problems...and that doesn't usually lead to warm and fuzzy memories.

Am I appreciative of my education? 100%

Am I thankful for my friendships? You better believe! 

Am I blessed to have this community to which I can return and immediately "just be"? Yes sir. Yes ma'am. 

BUT, you could not pay me to go back in time. 

Prior to attending my reunion, I admit that I was a little nervous. My first two years in college had so many hard memories, so much homesickness, change, identity challenge, that I wasn't sure I wanted to go visit. The beautiful piece of the story is that God changed my heart and perspective to fully experience the greatness of Yale and my community during my final two years there. I learned how to seize new opportunities to make the most of my experience and solve my own problem of unhappiness with my college life. But the feeling of pain somewhat remains when I visit campus.

It's like when we hear a Backstreet Boys song and we magically think back to sixth grade. And then we think "thank goodness music improved since then". Yup, it's just like that. 

Music and reunions are time travel machines.

For me, college wasn't a carefree, good ole days type of experience. 

When I mentioned my feelings about Yale to a former classmate of mine this weekend, he nodded in agreement (by the way, where were the people nodding with me during the midst of my struggle? People do a much better job at hiding their true feelings than me). He appropriately and thoughtfully described the college experience as "formative".

To which I say, yes!

That is a great way to explain my college experience (and I am sure many of your experiences as well). 

My experience at Yale will forever be formative. the relationships I developed will forever be special.

However, there will not be a moment when I wish I could go back. Life is too good and the present moment is too sweet. There are too many lessons to learn. friendships to build. communities to serve. 

So this whole nostalgia thing just doesn't mash up with what I want to value. 

I don't want to forget the backstreet moments, though. They are too formative to ignore yet not worth wishing away the present.