What Honeymoon Phase...

Marriage class? Check.
Premarital homework? Check. 
One-on-one counseling with an amazing couple? Check. 
Total belief you are marrying the man you love and should be with? Check.
Wedding? Check. 
Post-wedding bliss? ....

I am not oversimplifying the issues here. I am a (semi)rational human being who can logically grasp the complexity of marriage. I get that checking all of the boxes does not promise marital bliss.

And no, my marriage is not in turmoil- we love each other deeply. In fact, it is pretty steady (relatively speaking, what couple in their first year of marriage doesn't have a steep learning curve?). But what I must have failed to realize in all of my pre-wedding planning, was that I wasn't expecting steady and at times exhausting. I don't know what I was expecting, but I was expecting lows and highs- key word- highs. I mean honeymoon phase...come on. Everyone has a honeymoon phase. We went on a honeymoon (evidence below) so why was I not over-the-moon with happiness? Or ok, fine. I will be more logical, why did I not have semi-often moments of over-the-moon happiness?






Perhaps I am the anomaly. I am the scientific study that can now commence to analyze the perplexing case for why the first three months of my marriage could not be described as blissful. Could not be described as having "so many high moments". 

I know I am not the anomaly, but when someone asks you "how marriage is going" and you respond with "eh", you quickly realize a couple of things:

• Some people are better than others at hiding facial expressions that demonstrate they were not expecting that answer. 
• Your explanation of "you know, there are some good times and some hard times" does not appease their shock.
• I love my husband with all of my heart. But/So/And I better try and figure out why that is my response.

While I would never change my answer (in the first three months of marriage, that really is how I felt), I did start to breakdown why that was my answer. 

Over the holidays, I had time to process what I expected my first three months of marriage to feel like and what I wanted my marriage to be like for the remaining nine months of our first year.  After much contemplation (the introvert in me was very content) and some discussion with amazing women in my life, I realized that my very polite (bahaha!) suggestions to Grant for how he could make our marriage better, weren't in fact helpful.

Yes, we have talked about how I feel loved when he plans dates, yet they never seem to get planned. And no, it's not his forte. And yes, I was quick to remind him of it. So upon the winding down of the holiday festivities, I committed to myself and Grant a plan of action (because I love planning).

• Wednesday night is date night. 
• We each plan one Wednesday date a month. And I won't be upset if I end up planning more because it happens to be easier for me. Plus, Grant contributes in so many other ways.
• Alternative Wednesdays will be cooking dinner and home and reading a book aloud together (Rather than just watching tv together. But don't get me wrong, we are obsessed with The Newsroom)

More importantly, I committed to speaking to my husband in an uplifting way, especially around this subject (or at least I try my hardest to do so and apologize when I don't). I want to build him up and encourage him, even when I feel let down and even when I am frustrated. How about, especially when I feel let down and especially when I am frustrated. 

It has been great to see how God is faithful in uniting us together through this realization. I am glad that in my fourth month of marriage I can look at us and say "wow, we do enjoy one another" and "yes, the first three months were hard for us" and "yes, there will be more hard months to come, but thank God we are on the same team".

Cheers to life-long learning!
And if we ever need a reminder of our commitment when one of us doing annoying things like prancing around the house commenting on how random shoes don't need to be laying around in every room (what? me? noooo...), then we can just watch our amazing wedding ceremony:

Jacqueline and Grant Wedding Ceremony

password: Russell