Or at least check your ego at the door (not your eggos, but if you have those, you can check them at my door. And I will eat #alltheeggossssss).
Recently at a work event, I came face-to-face with my ego. I don't typically think of myself as a very egocentric person. I work on humility, can usually see the good that people offer even when they are frustrating, and don't think I have all of the answers. (Key word=usually and all)
There are surely moments where I demonstrate overly confident behavior but that's usually not my M.O.
When was the last time you were in a situation that forced you to see your ugly?
Here's mine:
All dressed up. Black tie event. Networking. Drinks. Dinner. Blah blah blah ;)
In my current job, there is great importance to building community. So here I was building community. AND I got to do it at one of the tables of honor, as I will call it for ease of storytelling.
How exciting!
Only to find out, through some sort of mishap, there was not the right amount of seats at my table. I had no problem volunteering for Grant and I to go to another table.
So we moved. Avoided confusion. Didn't make a big deal of it.
But why did I feel weird?
You know why? Because I wanted to feel like I was important. But instead, I was at the last table, literally the last. that was at 25 percent capacity. with two students. I was looking, from afar, at the tables at which I "should" have been sitting with all the "important" people doing the networking.
Grant looked at me and knew something was off. I did too. It didn't take me long to go from-
Graciously giving up my seat to
Feeling left out to
Being jealous of all the "important" people to
Realizing that my ego is bigger than I thought to
Knowing I was, actually, just where I needed to be
It is in the moments where we see our ugly and admit it's not good, that God can do His best work.
God took my little egotistical heart and gently said "hey, you think you deserve to be up there? you think that tells you your identity? is that where you are placing your hope? Little girl, come drink from the true fountain of hope. Come find your identity in me."
And I was again reminded of how the places in which I seek importance are skewed.
And I was again reminded that I am no better than any one person. It is no better to talk to a CEO than to a man in need. In fact, where can I serve? Where should I serve?
What I shouldn't forget is "Your unfailing love is better than life itself"- Pslam 63:3
There is no reason why I should feel different at the first table compared to the last table. In fact, even having a seat at any table means nothing. His love is enough.
I wish I could have written this post and said something like "I generously gave up my seat and was so happy about it (...and then I went out and fed the hungry and served the needy and loved on people like woah)."
But I can't say that. And wouldn't write it if it was true anyway.
Reality, folks. Sometimes we do good and our hearts are trailing behind in reform. God steps in and says, "not quite, little one. let's examine your heart here." Just me?
I didn't think so.
What I love, in thinking back to this night and in my trivial example of how I saw some ugly in my heart, is thinking how God so lovingly and tenderly showed my sin to me. And so beautifully challenges me to be more like him (with grace that has no ends).
The rest of the night, I got the chance to get to know two college students, their background, future dreams, and current struggles. And I learned a little more of my great need for God.
It was a taste and reminder of how He wants us to serve- with humility, joy, and self-sacrifice.
The table seating was just as it was meant to be.
What is also meant to be is a coworker who somehow wears an eerily similar dress to the same event. Love it!
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