Pulling at my Heartstrings

God has been pulling at my heartstrings lately. It has been gentle and easy, but more and more present. and just a wee bit louder with each pluck. (our hearts need that sometimes. when we are out of tune with our Maker. frankly, I should be surprised I don't hear a trumpet blowing right in my ear to wake me up!!! because, I act deaf, I guess. Luckily He has lots of loud instruments for people like me and you.)

It started with a book I just finished called Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet by Sara Hagerty. Sara writes a beautiful memoir about her longing to have children and the inability to conceive. Even more so than that, or the amazing story of how she adopts four children from Africa, the story is about how she communes with God through the pain and joy of daily life. 

While I may not resonate with the longing to have children and the pain associated with not beig able to conceive (just not in that phase of life yet peeps! Thank goodness for all involved), I do relate to the feeling of longing, I think we all do. 

And what was exciting. intriguing. intimidating almost. was the way she talked with God. She listened to Him and waited and pleaded and cried out to and read His Word to learn who He is in a way that she could speak Truth to herself when it felt like the world was crumbling around her. In a way that she was present to all the paths He has open to her.

After I got a glimpse into her heart, I left feeling almost like being pushed to the edge of a high diving board with my toes hanging off the edge, arms flailing, and apprehensive smile busting out with the excitement of a thrill about to come, if you just muster the courage to jump. How can I not seek after that type of communion with God? 

More and more. He pulls my heartstrings. 

With some dear friends and my husband, I have been processing how they see God working in their life either as individuals or as a couple. 

I just realize I don't know how to do this well, and I especially don't know how to do this as a unit with Grant. I'm still learning. But I think it starts with me asking God what he has for me. 

Where are you moving in my life?

Where can I serve you more?

Give me glimpses of your goodness. 

What do you have in store for me today? This week? Next year?

Pull at my heartstrings so I can hear you. 

Of course I am having trouble knowing how God is working in my life, in Grants and my life together, if we aren't even asking the questions. I can't tell you how He is moving in my life right now, which tells me I am not in tune with His melody. 

Don't get comfortable with silence. And I don't want a comfortable life (well, actually I do, that's why I save money and buy nice things and build up my little life of safety nets around me). But we are called to more, my friends. 

I just know He has so much more in store for me and you than I can imagine, so how about trying to ask what exactly that might be?! Because I don't want to miss that. I don't want to miss out on the God of the universe calling me to something great.

(Good ole Carl and I happen to have different beliefs on God, but I certainly like his quote :))

And that greatness is not necessarily something BIG as we view it- like moving to another country. It's BIG because it's God's calling, even if to the world it is unnoticeable (like cleaning the house for the millionth time without help and not saying anything about it. Or sticking through a frustrating conversation when all you want to do is walk out of the house and be by yourself).

Everyone's BIG looks different. But I feel Him plucking and it is not a tune I want to ignore. 

I will be learning to ask and seek. feel the plucking and hear the melody that He so beautifully sings when I open my ears.