The Weekend Expectation

On a normal weekend, how do you spend your time?

Excluding travel weekends, a solid weekend for me usually consists of a few of my favorite things...

shopping trips to Target/Home Goods/Trader Joe's
a walk outside (dreaming of walking outside when it is too cold to do so)
church
cooking a real meal (because I can't seem to muster up enough energy to do that during the work week)
playing some sort of game (preferably Settlers :))

The complexity enters into this conversation because it's not exactly what I do on the weekend that matters as much as it is how I do it. I can leave a weekend more exhausted than the week because I did not get enough introvert time or I ran too many errands/did too many chores/did too much work. I can leave a weekend feeling lonely because I spent the whole time running errands by myself or had little to no real conversations with people I love.

I am still learning the right balance for me. I am still learning how much time I should spend with Grant and the exact tipping point where we miiiiiight just want to spent some time apart (A little healthy alone time does every marriage some good. ;))

Grant and I are still navigating our different expectations for weekend activities (also, note the only thing I can think about when I say "activities" is a scene from Stepbrothers. anyone? anyone?)

While he has, what can probably be deemed, a more "adult" expectation for a weekend- one that includes completing fix-it projects, reviewing the budget, filing documents, blah, blah blah- I can't seem to want to work on those tasks for more than two hours. I know it's an unrealistic expectation to avoid chores on the weekend... But a girl can dream.

 The "how you do things" piece enters in here.... Head down, get it done approach v music blaring, take longer than necessary breaks for chips and salsa approach. So now we are talking about navigating the how we do chores and the amount of chores. Because now it's not just what works for me or him, but what works for us.   

I love hearing how different couple's handle, what I will call, the weekend expectation. My parent's for example, the cutest little married things in the world, spend a lot of time apart and are totally content. I have other family friends who literally do EVERYTHING together (I'm not even sure they go to the bathroom separately....ok, I probably can be sure about that. but still.)

It is about finding what works for you. Plus, a little trial by error never hurt anyone. Let me know what works for you.

When Life Throws You Lemons...

There are days that just do not go your way. It is as if the day conspires against you and shouts "Hey, see all of your smiles. Now watch them slowly disappear." Ok, that is dramatic, but my Sunday was laughably frustrating.

Sunday started out lovely. We woke up at the Elms Hotel after a day of relaxation, massages, and The Grotto experience (for my non-midwest folks, check out the digs here. pretty legit :)). How can your day start out on the wrong foot after you spent the previous day exfoliating with rosemary mint bath salts?! It can't. The answer is that it simply cannot start out in any manner other than great.

 Elms hotel lobby- old school.

Old school hotel meets new school spa. 

So in the spirit of waking up on the right foot, I called for a friendly competition called "Who Can Get Ready and Pack Up Faster?" (To be honest, this was just my way of getting Grant out the door faster than normal. He is more of a morning person than I am, but man does he dilly dally. I am up, ready, and out the door faster than you can wash your face. That is probably due to the fact that I do not wash my face. But, rest assured, I do brush my teeth). It was pretty much a tie, but I can give him the win for a confidence boost. Either way, we were in great spirits.

Grant and I doing as the locals do at a small town cafe. Note: this took place on Saturday.

We even made up our own rules for shuffleboard. If anyone actually knows how to play, please let me know. Note: this took place on Saturday.

 One might ask, what causes your spirit to drop after such a great weekend? Let me tell you...

1. Eventually, you have to pay the bill for the spa treatments and hotel stay. Blech! Can someone say sticker shock? You planned and calculated the getaway, yet it still shocked you somehow. emotional state: confused and trying to calculate what you thought a nice weekend away was going to cost... 
2. As soon as you hand over your credit card, your husband says he cannot find your car keys. emotional state: still confused over the price and dismissive over the lost keys because surely they are not lost
3. You search the hotel room, your luggage, and the parking lot (three times) and still no luck. emotional state: frustrated, but still amicable
4.  Your phone dies and the charger is locked inside of your car. emotional state: still frustrated about the keys, and now a little annoyed because your phone (healthifully or not) can no longer provide distraction when you are frustrated
5. Your husband calls his parents to go to your house, get your spare keys, and come pick your sad butts up. emotional state: frustrated level is dropping, relief and thankful that husband's parents are gracious people
6.  You cancel your afternoon plans because you are stranded in nowheresville, MO. emotional state: becoming complacent with the bad luck and desperately needing the walk that was just canceled
7. Your husband's phone dies. emotional state: eh, what's new?
8. When your husband's parents arrive with keys, it turns out to be the wrong keys. emotional state: delirious. now the situation is hilarious and everyone is bonding over the ridiculousness
9. You drive home to get the right keys. You drive back to get the car. You drive home again. 3 hours later.... emotional state: anything but relaxed- all relaxation from the getaway is negated by the key mishap. 

It really is laughable at this point. Obviously worse things can happen. And honestly, we kept pretty positive attitudes about the situation until midway through action #9. We kiiiiinda fell apart there for a bit. Which is a little bit pathetic because I was actually and legitimately trying to put a good spin on the day. At every turn, I tried to brush it off. But dang, it kept eating at me.

When both of your phones are out of power, you use the hotel phone and then laugh hysterically at the situation. 
 
When life throws you lemons, or shakes up your plans, how do you react?

I so much wanted to laugh it off at every point and just enjoy the ride. Why was it so hard to do that? Maybe certain personalities have an easier time letting go of expectations. I am not sure. But days like today remind me that I am not in control and clinging to my plans does no good. There was literally nothing I could do to make the keys appear.

The end of the weekend certainly did not go as planned or expected. But besides providing us with an eventful story, it reminds me that flexibility is a) not my strong-suit and b) such an assest. God definitely used the afternoon to stretch and grow me.

In the meantime, while I learn how to have a good attitude when life doesn't go as planned, feel free to shoot suggestions for how you keep your cool when life throws you lemons!

Sidenote: I hope someone finds and enjoys my cute little Rainbow sandal keychain. May it bring you as much joy as it did for me.

Do You Believe in Tryouts?

I recently discovered or developed a quirk, I am not sure which yet. I do this thing where I buy something for the house (needed or not), find the perfect place for it, and then give it a rehearsal.

The item gets a tryout. Aren't I nice? I believe in tryouts. The thing about giving tryouts to purchases is that the tag has to stay on in case it doesn't make it through the testing phase and needs to find a new home. So my house is currently filled with furniture and trinkets (as my dad calls them) with the original tag of purchase still intact (also, since when did I buy so many trinkets? I am totally my mother's daughter).

Exhibit A...

Some of you may say that my habit is not that weird. To which I say, thank you (and I smile my I told you so smile to everyone else who thinks it is weird).

Exhibit B....

Here is where it might get a little more odd- my tryout period is indefinite. I don't say "Cute little basket, you get two days to prove yourself and then you go back to World Market." nope.

Indefinite tryout timelines is what I offer. Which makes for a very stressful stay for my purchases- they don't know how long they have to prove themselves- so sad! It also gives me a lot more freedom in purchasing items because I have the knowledge that if they don't pass the rehearsal, I can return them.

I would like to note that I have yet to give a tryout to a purchase and return it. Once I use it, I keep it. So you can stop judging now. :) Like this door mat (Exhibit C). I bought it in November. Ask me why it still has the tags...

It is such a happy door mat. Why won't I just take off the tag?

I started wondering if my quirk applies to other areas of life- don't people do this in their real lives? People give tryouts.

We want escape plans from our recent purchases of storage-bins-that-cost-way-more-than-we-want-them-to-but-oh-they-look-so-cute. We want exit routes for commitments that feel overbearing. friendships that are hard. anything that interferes with our plans or what we perceive to be in our best interest.

But there is good in ditching the tryout and being present to what God is offering you in the moment. I'm not convinced I need to give up my tag quirk and purchase try-outs (it's kinda fun to watch Grant randomly discover tags I haven't taken off items we purchased months ago and question my sanity), but I wonder what it would look like to examine our lives and see the ways we hold back from fully purchasing or buying into what is right in front of our noses.

What is God calling you to remove the tags from?
Where is He inviting you to be present?

What Honeymoon Phase...

Marriage class? Check.
Premarital homework? Check. 
One-on-one counseling with an amazing couple? Check. 
Total belief you are marrying the man you love and should be with? Check.
Wedding? Check. 
Post-wedding bliss? ....

I am not oversimplifying the issues here. I am a (semi)rational human being who can logically grasp the complexity of marriage. I get that checking all of the boxes does not promise marital bliss.

And no, my marriage is not in turmoil- we love each other deeply. In fact, it is pretty steady (relatively speaking, what couple in their first year of marriage doesn't have a steep learning curve?). But what I must have failed to realize in all of my pre-wedding planning, was that I wasn't expecting steady and at times exhausting. I don't know what I was expecting, but I was expecting lows and highs- key word- highs. I mean honeymoon phase...come on. Everyone has a honeymoon phase. We went on a honeymoon (evidence below) so why was I not over-the-moon with happiness? Or ok, fine. I will be more logical, why did I not have semi-often moments of over-the-moon happiness?






Perhaps I am the anomaly. I am the scientific study that can now commence to analyze the perplexing case for why the first three months of my marriage could not be described as blissful. Could not be described as having "so many high moments". 

I know I am not the anomaly, but when someone asks you "how marriage is going" and you respond with "eh", you quickly realize a couple of things:

• Some people are better than others at hiding facial expressions that demonstrate they were not expecting that answer. 
• Your explanation of "you know, there are some good times and some hard times" does not appease their shock.
• I love my husband with all of my heart. But/So/And I better try and figure out why that is my response.

While I would never change my answer (in the first three months of marriage, that really is how I felt), I did start to breakdown why that was my answer. 

Over the holidays, I had time to process what I expected my first three months of marriage to feel like and what I wanted my marriage to be like for the remaining nine months of our first year.  After much contemplation (the introvert in me was very content) and some discussion with amazing women in my life, I realized that my very polite (bahaha!) suggestions to Grant for how he could make our marriage better, weren't in fact helpful.

Yes, we have talked about how I feel loved when he plans dates, yet they never seem to get planned. And no, it's not his forte. And yes, I was quick to remind him of it. So upon the winding down of the holiday festivities, I committed to myself and Grant a plan of action (because I love planning).

• Wednesday night is date night. 
• We each plan one Wednesday date a month. And I won't be upset if I end up planning more because it happens to be easier for me. Plus, Grant contributes in so many other ways.
• Alternative Wednesdays will be cooking dinner and home and reading a book aloud together (Rather than just watching tv together. But don't get me wrong, we are obsessed with The Newsroom)

More importantly, I committed to speaking to my husband in an uplifting way, especially around this subject (or at least I try my hardest to do so and apologize when I don't). I want to build him up and encourage him, even when I feel let down and even when I am frustrated. How about, especially when I feel let down and especially when I am frustrated. 

It has been great to see how God is faithful in uniting us together through this realization. I am glad that in my fourth month of marriage I can look at us and say "wow, we do enjoy one another" and "yes, the first three months were hard for us" and "yes, there will be more hard months to come, but thank God we are on the same team".

Cheers to life-long learning!
And if we ever need a reminder of our commitment when one of us doing annoying things like prancing around the house commenting on how random shoes don't need to be laying around in every room (what? me? noooo...), then we can just watch our amazing wedding ceremony:

Jacqueline and Grant Wedding Ceremony

password: Russell

Self-Giving Laughter

The itch to create a blog hovered in me for quite some time. I guess it took a little extra peace and quiet sweeping over my house and soul before I could get the courage to start one. And that is really what I needed…courage. Because, quite honestly, the only thing holding me back from starting a blog was fear.
Fear of "failure" (how can one really fail when writing a blog?). Fear of embarrassment. Fear of public perception (and no, I don't feel like I am an expert on anything worth reading besides trying to love the life I lead).
But the little idea to start a blog hasn't left my system for the last couple of years (yes, the fact that I had the desire for a couple of years and just now started is telling of how much fear can have a grip on me).
So, I begin. Because if anyone knows me well, they know I have a knack for being open. For letting people into my mess and encouraging them to do the same. I'm not afraid to let people into my brokenness (letting the whole internet world into my life somehow feels different, but we are trying to shake that off). I believe sharing our messy lives with others cultivates true community. And every fiber in my being seeks that. Does yours?

Do you also crave the safety that comes from sharing messy lives with others and still being loved? Unconditional love and grace. I know what it feels like to be given grace so I want to live a life that freely extends it.
Like the time I snapped at my husband to "hurry up and go cook the bacon" for the Saturday morning work meeting I hosted and for which I promised breakfast and for which I was the reason why the cooking time was delayed to begin with and for which he proceeded to cook a delicious breakfast for us without complaining (ya….that happened this morning. see what i mean about messy).
Or you know, like the everyday experiences where I mess up and remember how good God is to provide Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins- small things like that ;).
I write to share my messy life with you. To create community. To express my life journey to honor God through grace and hospitality. To nurture a creative outlet.
Grant laughed at me when I told him I wanted to start a blog ("why are you laughing at me?". "i'm not laughing at you. i just don't understand blogs." well, me either.). But I think there might be something to his response. If I can have his attitude while I take this journey, then I think it will work out just fine and hopefully include some self-giving laughter.